60 Days of Little Introspection, Day 1: Why are you a Little?

As I kick off these 60 days of introspection I feel grateful. I feel grateful to be here in this space writing to you. I feel grateful to be in this moment to share my own personal journey. And I feel blessed to have grown so much as a Little and a submissive over the past 7 years in the lifestyle. This blog post is my own personal truth. Tonight I’m opening my heart to share it with all of you. Come on in, pull up a seat, and enjoy. 

I am 37 years old. After many years of trying to ascribe to what I thought the “perfect housewife” should be, I evolved in my own self-awareness and finally came out to my friends and family as non-binary. Though I am inching ever closer to the big 4-0, my heart feels youthful and light. I have my amazing husband (and Daddy) to thank for that. Together we juggle raising a teen, managing his full-time job, launching this site and business, and keeping our household running. We stay busy, and yet in the midst of a packed schedule we always make space for little space. 

When I first discovered the community I thought that I was a Little because, like so many out there, I have “daddy issues”. My parents divorced at age 10 and my life changed drastically. In one fell swoop, I lost my mother and older brother, and wouldn’t hear from them again for nearly a decade. Living with my father proved to be unstable and volatile, and subsequently I moved out at 18 years old and never looked back. Through the ups and downs of my life I have had to turn inward to work hard on myself. I’ve made many mistakes along the way, but I try to learn from each one. 

Since I’ve been in my 30’s my life has slowed down considerably and I feel so blessed to have my husband and daughter. These past few years, while the world has gone through a pandemic, I re-evaluated why I am a Little. My answer, much like myself, has evolved. I am a Little, not because I don’t have a relationship with my biological father. I am a Little because of the very essence of who I am in my soul. I am a curious child. I am a person who forever wants to be learning. I try to remain hopeful even in the darkest storms. I have been kicked down, lied to, bruised and battered, and yet I refused to get jaded. I have forgiven the people who have hurt me the most. I am tender-hearted and cry easily with both happy and sad tears. I am playful and love to joke around. 

I am a Little because when I am regressed I feel so light and free. My mind releases the mental shackles of my adult everyday life and in that moment I can just play! I can sing, have a tea party, snuggle up with my plushies, or curl up to watch a cute movie. I can smile to myself and remember all of the things I loved when I was biologically 5 years old. My real childhood was far from perfect, but my little space…. The space that I can control… is a place where the magic remains. It’s a place where I protect my heart fiercely. It’s a state of being where I can be silly or quiet, and my soul shines the brightest. I am a Little because though I am aging, I cannot imagine going one day in my life without being playful, silly, out-of-the-box different, and (slightly) rebellious. I am a Little because I believe that there is no such thing as being “too old” to do something. 

Coming from the Deep South of the U.S. I grew up in a conservative world where there were strict gender norms and there was an unspoken protocol about what I should wear. I often heard my stepmother point out someone walking by who was wearing something “too young for her age”. As I got older I began to question that line of thinking. Was there such a thing as being too old or young to wear certain clothing? As a Little my answer is no. I am a Little because I believe that everyone has the right to express themselves as they see fit. I believe in the right to wear what feels good on your body without fear of judgment. I am a Little because I stand for the right to live your life in a way that is authentic to you (so long as you’re not hurting anyone else). I believe that everyone should be free to use whatever pronouns they wish, and that gender norms are silly and outdated. I am a Little because like biological childhood, I want to always see the world with compassionate, unjudging, whimsical eyes. I want to always carry a song in my heart and have dreams the size of mountains. I challenge you to do the same. Until next time, my friends, thank you for reading! 

~Penny x