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60 Days of Little Introspection, Day 6: Do you have a Dominant, and if so, why?


Good Evening Friends!

It’s Friday!! We made it through another week and I don’t know about you, but Fridays always put a smile on my face. It’s the time to let out a deep exhale, slow down, and just unwind. Today we are discussing all things Cg/l, if it’s necessary to have a Dominant as an adult little, and how some Littles can even be dominant littles! Are you ready? Then, let’s dive in!

I. A Cg/l Relationship does not guarantee a healthy, stable bond:

Since I’ve been “out” as an adult Little I have had 3 different Dominants. In many ways, I am so thankful for the experiences that I’ve had because I learned a lot from each Sir. Along the way I also watched other friends in the lifestyle experience connections and break up’s in their D/s bonds. (I’ll discuss D/s break ups more in depth in a future post). But I learned that there are vital elements that must be present for a D/s relationship to work.

  1. Both parties must be healthy and stable as individuals. I cannot stress this enough. If there are personal problems going on with either party, eventually it will bleed over into the relationship. It’s important prior to establishing a connection, you both be able to work out any issues you’re having so that way you can come together with a sound body and mind.

  2. Both parties must be ready and willing to put in work to the commitment. D/s relationships take work. A lot of work. You can’t just call yourself a baby girl, or call yourself a Dominant without taking time to learn, grow, and experience (first individually) and then together as a couple. You will need to make regular, consistent time to devote to your D/s relationship, and in doing so it will thrive and your trust in one another will deepen.

  3. Know when to regress and when to connect as adults. In Cg/l relationships there is a fine balance that couples must make on when to regress and enjoy time as Caregiver and little, and when to shift into your adult mindset so that you can focus and talk about any issues that might arise. Never use your little space as a way to sort out relationship issues. Your partner will want to get feedback from you, and understand your emotions so be prepared to slip out of little space at those times.

  4. Lastly, both parties should always be striving to learn, grow, and experience more in the lifestyle. One of the most wonderful things about this lifestyle is that there is always something to learn. Whether it’s a new implement, kink, fetish, or fantasy that you wish to explore, or a safety rule that you didn’t know, or a local BDSM location, etc. there is always something to read, learn about, and store into your vault of knowledge. I encourage you to never stop learning. Take time to reflect on who you are as a Little, and what you want for yourself in the future. Then, discuss these things at length if you have a Dominant.

II. If you like it then you should’ve put a paci on it? Or not! 

One of the largest mistakes I made when I first entered the lifestyle was thinking that I couldn’t “be little” without having a Dominant. Oh, how wrong I was! Queen Bey might have thought you need to put a ring on it, but I’m here to tell you that you don’t need a dominant to be an adult little! Being little is about who you are inside and how you feel. It’s about how you choose to express yourself and how you want to regress. There are bunches of ways that littles, middles, and adult babies (and more!) express themselves and no way is right or wrong. So, if there is one piece of advice I can give you it’s this: don’t get swept up in the “hype” of securing a Dominant and having a collar. Yes, Cg/l bonds are deeply special and sacred. Wearing a collar is something that comes with time, trust, understanding, and (in many cases) training. But it isn’t the defining aspect between who is a Little and who isn’t.

You can be just as wonderful, unique, Little, and cherished being an independent/solo little as you can in a relationship. You can regress without anyone’s help, and you can enjoy tons of things to do in Little Space without needing any help from a Caregiver or Dominant!

III. Dominants, Littles, and Dominant-Littles, Oh My! 

There are bunches of labels that adult littles adopt in our community and thank goodness because we are all special in our own different ways. Today I want to focus on dominant littles. Many times, especially if a little is in a Cg/l relationship they prefer to use the term “a power exchange” to label their relationship as opposed to a Cg/l relationship. Why? Because oftentimes Cg/l relationships denote that the power is held exclusively by the Caregiver, but this isn’t always the case. There are littles who prefer to hold the dominant role in the power exchange while still having a Caregiver. They love to be cared for, cherished, nurtured, guided, but can also struggle with rules, or enjoy bratting their Caregiver. It’s important for you to take time to understand what kind of power exchange (if any) you’re comfortable with, and what types of labels you want to adopt. It is my deepest wish that you know that you are accepted just as you are. You can be dominating and still be a Little! You can be a natural born leader and still love to regress! Power exchange is a fluid relationship that is agreed upon by both parties and doesn’t equate to the title given to each party. So, explore around with what labels you feel comfortable with and decide what path is right for you.

IV. The Captain and I: Our Present Bond: 

When it comes to labels and power exchange the Captain and I have been working at this for almost 7 years now and we have plenty of names for our Cg/l relationship. Usually I call the Captain, Daddy… or Nani! And he calls me Kitten or Thimble… or Baby Bean. Or Baby Banani. (There are a lot of names lol). The power exchange part of our relationship is a bit more complex, as we are parents to our teenage daughter as well as being a D/s couple. During the day when I am homeschooling our daughter I am in a more relaxed role as a submissive. I can make decisions for the household (what to eat, what to wear, etc.) so I can move quickly throughout the day and care for our child. Then, at night when it’s just him and I we shift into more structured D/s roles and all decisions get deferred to him. There are also certain rules in place where I ask permission regardless of where I am or what I’m doing. Over time we have learned about what level of protocol works for us, and how to marry our “normal life” and our “kink life” together.

Alright my friends, that’s from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it! If you did, please comment below and tell me your thoughts. I’d love to hear from you! Until then, have a wonderful Friday and I will see you back here for the next topic!

Much love,

~Penny x

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