60 Days of Little Introspection, Day 11: Can you have a Cg/l Relationship without rules?

Good Morning Friends! 

Today we are going to examine if a person can have a Caregiver/little relationship dynamic without having rules. For those who don’t like to read blog posts the quick answer to this question is: yes, you can! The type of power exchanged between you and your partner will determine much of how your dynamic will be, and this includes if rules are needed or not. For the Captain and I, we have long had rules in place to help us grow closer together. But in today’s post I’ll do my best to try and present both sides of this argument. Are you ready? Then, let’s dive in! 

I. Reasons Why a Cg/l Couple Might Not Have Rules in Their Relationship: 

In the community we often hear rules being put in place by dominants when a bond is established. This is because rules have a very clear and distinct purpose. When your dominant creates a rule for you it should fall under the following guidelines: 

  • The rule is designed to establish a healthy habit, pattern of behavior, or aspect of the Little’s life. 

  • The rule is designed to establish trust between the Dominant and the adult little. 

  • The rule is a positive force of good within the Little’s life. 

In other words, if a rule is created by your dominant, but it does NOT fall under one (or more) of those categories then it should not be created. A rule is put in place because both parties see a need for healthy change within the relationship. Some examples of healthy rules could include the following: 

  1. Drink 6-8 glasses of water daily. 

  2. Use the phone, video chat, or text messaging to talk to your Dominant on a daily basis. 

  3. Take vitamins and any medications (if necessary) on a daily basis. 

  4. The little will go to bed at their assigned bedtime to ensure getting proper sleep. 

  5. The little will refrain from using foul language or profanity towards their Dominant at any time. 

  6. Both the Dominant and the little will refrain from using drugs, alcohol, or smoking during any and all play sessions. 

  7. When the Dominant leaves a message to the little, they will be prompt (within reason) on returning their message. 

In today’s post we are examining reasons why a Cg/l couple might not want (or need) to have rules in their relationship. I want to advocate here in this space that if you are in a Cg/l relationship and you do NOT have rules in place your relationship is no less valid than someone who does. Rules are not indicative of how genuine a connection is between a Cg and their little. There are instances in which a couple might choose to not have rules in their relationship. By no means is this a complete list of the reasons why a couple would choose to not include rules in their relationship. At the end of the day every Cg/l relationship is different and unique. As always, do what works best for you! Here are a few reasons why a couple might not want to include rules in their relationship: 

  1. The couple are switches, meaning that they shift fluidly back and forth in the power exchange part of their relationship. As such, rules might be difficult to enforce or remember and they prefer to simply live out their dynamic. 

  2. The little is a dominant little. There are littles who also play the dominant role in their Cg/l relationship. In this dynamic they have a loving, healthy, nurturing bond with their Caregiver that is based around providing care for the adult little, but the little makes all decisions about what type of care, routine, etc. that they need. 

  3. The Cg/l couple is too busy to enforce rules. Life gets busy and that is understandable. Perhaps the couple are parents and are juggling trying to make time to be Cg/l among their hectic daily routine. In this case rules might not be established because it would only create further stress for both parties. 

  4. The dominant is lazy and doesn’t want to keep up with enforcing a set of rules. There are many dominants out there who are loving, healthy, wonderful Caregivers, but who simply feel too lazy to keep up with establishing and enforcing a set of rules with their little. This isn’t necessarily a “bad quality” to have as a caregiver. If you’re dealing with a partner who is like this, I encourage you to focus on simply enjoying time together as Caregiver and little. Engage in play dates together and make the most out of living the lifestyle. Focus on what you do have together instead of what you don’t. 

  5. The couple is long distance. Sometimes geography, time zones, and schedules can make rules an absolute nightmare for long distance Cg/l couples. It is understandable that a couple might decide to forgo rules because of long distance obstacles. 

II. Why the Captain and I Use Rules in Our Relationship: 

For years now the Captain and I have used rules as a part of our Cg/l relationship. If I’m keeping things real with you, I can be a bit of a brat sometimes. 😉 I love to joke around, push the boundaries a little (just to get punished and never to be mean), and enjoy being sassy. While the Captain loves this side of me, we both decided years ago that I thrive better when I have structure in my life. Our rules are designed to push me towards maintaining self-care habits, respecting my own limitations, and to encourage healthy communication between us. One rule that we created was to use gentle communication when having a disagreement. This ensures that respect is maintained at all times even when a problem arises. It’s important to us that despite everything I always respect him as my Dominant and the head of our household. Another rule we created was for him to check in on me regularly when he is away at work. Thankfully he has a job that permits him to use Discord to check up on me. As a needy little, it is very important to me that we talk often. I need to feel my Daddy’s presence with me throughout the day so we created this rule to thwart separation anxiety. A few more rules we have establish are the following: 

  • Give kisses before going to work and first thing when Daddy comes home. 

  • Shower together every night and wash each other down. 

  • Take 1 hour after work to snuggle, have tea, and decompress. 

  • Start each day with a “heart space” connect time. 

  • Daddy will tuck me in each night before bed. 

  • Take my medicine on time each morning with breakfast. 

  • If I need a nap in the afternoon, turn on my video cam so Daddy can be with me as I quietly rest. 

At the end of the day your relationship is up to you and your partner. Think about what your day to day life is like. What things are important to you in your relationship. Sit down with your partner and make a list about the kind of Cg/l relationship you desire. Then, come together to compromise on the best way to move forward. Never feel guilty if rules aren’t a part of your bond. Remember: rules are great, and rules are fun, but they don’t have to be for everyone. 🙂 

Alright my friends, that’s from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it! If you did please comment and subscribe in the box below to get regular updates from us right here on the Little Space League. Have a wonderful rest of the day and I will see you back here tomorrow for the next topic! 

Much love, 

~Penny x