60 Days of Little Introspection, Day 14: Can You Be Asexual and an Adult Little? Yes, you can!
Good Evening Friends!
We are finally to the weekend! I hope you all are settling down and taking time for yourself. Around here the family is relaxing after a long week of hard work and I am nestled up blogging to you about today’s topic: asexuality. In the world of LGBT+ we often don’t shine a light enough on asexuals. But as a member of the LGBT+ community, (I am transgender (FTM) and Non-binary), I think it’s important that we recognize every identity and sexual orientation. Just as we celebrate the right to express love and sexual desire to whomever we wish, so too should we express love and support for those in our community who live happily with the absence of sexual feelings towards others. It’s important that we understand the spectrum of asexuality because members of the aro-ace/ace community are also a part of the adult little community. As such, let us come together here in this post to better understand how we can both support and celebrate asexual littles. Are you ready? Then, let’s dive in!
Understanding Asexuality as a Spectrum:
When examining asexuality it’s important to understand that asexuals do not all identify the same. There are several important terms to know:
Asexual – A term used to describe someone who does not experience sexual attraction toward individuals of any gender. Asexuality is a sexual orientation, and is different from celibacy, in that celibacy is the choice to refrain from engaging in sexual behaviors and does not comment on one’s sexual attractions. An asexual individual may choose to engage in sexual behaviors for various reasons even while not experiencing sexual attraction. Asexuality is an identity and sexual orientation; it is not a medical condition. Sexual attraction is not necessary for a person to be healthy. (Source: LGBT Center at UNC-Chapel Hill)
Aromantic: individuals who do not experience romantic attraction toward individuals of any gender(s)
Demisexual individuals are those who do not experience primary sexual attraction but may experience secondary sexual attraction after a close emotional connection has already formed.
Asexual individuals often feel differently about their orientation. For some they simply feel a lack of sexual attraction towards other individuals. For others they feel a sense of freedom from the limitations of typical attraction labels and romantic orientation labels. Not every person who is asexual is also aromantic. A person’s sexual orientation and romantic orientation can be (but is not always) different. The bottom line is that it is vital to ask each person how they identify, what their preferred labels, pronouns, etc. are, and what boundaries in a relationship they feel comfortable with.
2. The SFW/Wholesome Side of the Cg/l Community:
Since the years that I have been publicly writing about the Cg/l lifestyle I have received criticism here and there because I choose to acknowledge both the kink and non-kink/wholesome side of the community. There have been people who tell me blatantly that Cg/l is a kink, period! But the truth is that it is a kink for some adult littles…. But not everyone. The very definition of kink means:
“Kink” is a broad term for sex that’s not thought of as “traditional.” The most common definition considers kink to be anything outside of intercourse-based sex between two monogamous partners, particularly when it includes non-traditional desires and fantasies. (Source: https://www.o.school/article/what-is-bdsm-and-kink)
But in the age regression community there are so many types of littles that (of course) not everyone desires their little space to be sexual. Just take a look at the AgeRe Littles who regress to a younger age but have a completely non-sexual little space! They are still a part of the little space community, but they do not view their little space as a kink. So, too, is there room in our community for asexual littles to regress, thrive, and feel completely accepted as part of the lifestyle. I encourage every asexual little to dive into the SFW/Wholesome side of our community. There are excellent websites, resources, etc. out there to enjoy being small without any sexual influence.
If you desire to have a caregiver and you’re asexual, or you’re a Dominant to an asexual little here are a few “nuggets of wisdom” to help you come closer together:
Focus on creating a relationship of companionship with your Little instead of sexual attraction. You want your little to trust you and that means working within their comfort zone. You can have a beautiful Cg/l relationship with your asexual little by understanding that they want you to hang out, relax, talk at length, and support them. They want their caregiver to be someone who is: honest, loyal, trusting, stable, confident, humorous, able to play with them, etc. and by doing so you will create lasting memories together bonding as Cg/l.
Discuss at length what their attractions are (or are not). Some asexuals experience attraction but not necessarily sexual desire. They might want to feel romantic attraction, but not sexual desire. And that’s perfectly okay! The most important thing you can do as their Caregiver is to understand their limitations, and reinforce to your little that who they are and how they feel is 100% supported by you.
Remember that asexuality is a sexual orientation. In the world of BDSM the vast majority of us are “sex positive” people. In other words, we have an open-minded, progressive, tolerant, and deeply accepting view towards sex and all sexualities. As such, just as we celebrate all kinds of sexual orientations we must remember that this also includes those who have the absence of a sexual drive.
Be up front with your expectations and completely understand theirs. As you get to know your little I encourage you two to sit down and fill out the Cg/l Questionnaire for Littles. This will help you to understand what your Little is looking for, how they identify, and how you can best support them. You can have a deeply fulfilling Cg/l relationship with your asexual little as long as you two have a complete understanding of what the expectations are.
Lastly, remember that the Cg/l lifestyle doesn’t have to be sexually pervasive. On social media we often see the NSFW side of our community, and that’s understandable because sex sells. But it’s important to remember that your asexual little needs you to support, love, and guide them in the wholesome side of the lifestyle. The very dynamic of a wholesome Cg/l relationship is one based on trust, loyalty, guidance, support, understanding, and respect. It is a bond fostered by love and understanding. Move slowly and really get to know each other. Focus on what your little needs instead of what you see other littles doing in the community. Stay true to your bond and you won’t go wrong. 🙂
3. How to Best Support Asexual Littles:
I want to wrap up this post by challenging every little, regardless of how you identify, if you view the lifestyle as a kink or not, to come together as one community of people who regress, to embrace our fellow asexual brothers and sisters. Read up on asexuality so you can have a deeper understanding of their needs. Find a fun activity or game and play together! Attend a munch, convention, or other non-sexual/SFW event and enjoy being little and getting to know your new friend.
There is room in this community for everyone. No one should ever be shamed, discriminated against, or judged for their opinion on this lifestyle. Have compassion towards each other and meet everyone with love and understanding.
Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, please comment and let me know. I’d love to hear from you! Subscribe in the box below and I will see you back here for the next topic!