60 Days of Little Introspection, Day 18: What to do if your Caregiver also has Little Tendencies

Good Afternoon Friends! 

Conflicts happen in every relationship. I’m not talking about those moments where you’re wondering if you should open the door and tell your partner to “hit the road, Jack”. I’m referring to those moments where your partner does something that makes you feel awkward and uncomfortable. You’re not angry but you’re also not quite pleased with it either. Chances are you pull inward and think about how you’re feeling. Many times in Cg/l relationships Caregivers who spend enough time with their little in little space can begin to emulate their partner. They master baby talk that makes you squeal with happiness. They are pros at playing make believe and tuck in your stuffies every night. But what do you do when you notice your Caregiver regressing here and there? How do you approach that situation as an Adult Little? In today’s post I’m going to tackle this tricky question. Are you ready? Then, let’s dive in! 

I. Discuss Feelings from an Open But Gentle Place: 

If you have a healthy, stable Cg/l relationship but you notice your partner having little tendencies, plan a time to sit down and discuss the issue together. If you’re a dominant-little then odds are that your partner regressing here and there isn’t really a problem because the power exchange in the relationship wouldn’t be impacted. The caregiver can regress and the little can still make the decisions. However, if your caregiver is also the dominant role in the relationship then the shift of power in the relationship can get thrown off. This is the primary issue with caregivers who have a tendency to regress. In this case you’ll need a strategy: 

  • Sit down and discuss the issue calmly in your adult head space. Likely your Caregiver is going to feel embarrassed because it’s their job to care for you. Give them reassurance that you’re not angry. Instead, you want to come to a good compromise that you both can live with. 

  • Formulate a plan on when your caregiver can regress while you’re not in little space. Giving your partner a safe space to regress is one of the most loving things you can do. You don’t need to be their caregiver per say, but instead focus on being their “friend” at that moment. Do an activity that makes them feel loved, cherished, tiny, vulnerable, and content. 

  • Don’t allow your mind to be clouded with thinking less of your Caregiver simply because they have little tendencies. There is a misconception that Dominants need to be “strong” and “confident” all the time. But they are people like anyone else! They have feelings, needs, wants, and become vulnerable too. As your caregiver’s submissive, be there for them. Accept your partner as they are and give reassurance that you support them and their desire to regress occasionally. 

II. Compromise on a Behavior Strategy: 

There are a few basic ground rules you’ll want to establish with your partner to ensure that the power exchange remains intact and you feel secure regressing into little space with your caregiver. Note: I want to pause here and note that you should also discuss with your Caregiver if you both want to be switches in your Cg/l relationship. If you two are open and comfortable with this type of dynamic then I encourage you to begin experimenting with the fluid shift in power exchange together. If being a switch is not what you desire then here are a few rules to discuss with your partner: 

  • Never regress at the same time. Take turns on who is in little space to ensure that everyone feels comfortable at all times. 

  • Discuss with your Caregiver what motivates them to want to regress into little space. Understanding why they have a tendency to regress will be a helpful bit of knowledge for you to have. 

  • Make sure that when you are in little space that your Caregiver is confidently in their head space to care for you. 

  • Decide ahead of time what the power exchange relationship will be in your dynamic. Do you want your Cg to be in charge? Would you, as the little, like to be in charge? 

  • Share what things you both enjoy doing in little space. 

III. Embracing “Soft Doms”: 

The last point I’d like to touch upon is the term “soft dom”. A soft dom is someone who focuses more on affectionate guidance rather than rigid rules. Another definition on soft doms includes: 

Soft Doms are exactly that…softer. They ask or command calmly, knowing that’s enough to make you obey.  They don’t tend to degrade or humiliate, and while they may enjoy inflicting some pain, they are careful to watch your reactions and not push beyond what you can handle. They revolve around you in many ways and gain pleasure from giving it. They care, protect, and please, because they see their sub as a precious possession. (Source: Brigit Delaney)

It’s easy to get swept up in the protocol and “hard” side of the D/s lifestyle, but I think it’s important for dominants to understand that they can be gentle, nurturing, tender, and warm while still being in the dominant role. Dominants should be accepted as they are in their natural personality and not feel a need to change who they are to fit into a stereotype. Your dominant does NOT need to act like Christian Gray or any other Hollywood macho figure. Appreciate your tender Caregiver as someone who loves, accepts, and wants to care for you. Embracing and accepting your dominant from this place of pure, natural love will help you to connect with them as they regress on the occasional basis because in those moments where your Cg is small, vulnerable, and little there will be a beautiful, safe space of unconditional love. 

Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it! If you did, comment and let me know. Subscribe in the box below to get these posts delivered to your inbox and I will see you back here for the next topic! 

Much love, 

~Penny x