60 Days of Little Introspection

60 Days of Little Introspection, Day 20: How to Find a Daddy, Mommy, or Caregiver

Good Afternoon Friends! 

I hope you all are having a fantastic day. Today we are discussing how to find a Daddy, Mommy, or Caregiver. It is the dream of many adult littles to have a Dominant who will love, care for, nurture, and guide them in a stable, healthy Cg/l relationship. But let’s be honest: finding that “perfect” dominant is no easy task! The internet is full of people ghosting, catfishing, and being downright creepy! As Littles we need to be more vigilant than ever in screening potential dominant matches and being 100% sure of who the person is behind the screen before we settle down. So, today I am going to guide you through the steps you must know to effectively find your future Dominant. Are you ready? Then, let’s dive in! 

I. Dating Etiquette and How to Screen a Potential Dominant: 

When wading into the dating world of Cg/l there are many things you need to be aware of. For many Littles, meeting a dominant online is the easiest way to connect with a partner. But meeting online can come with challenges. You need to know what you’re seeking in a Caregiver, what you won’t tolerate, and what you expect from a Cg/l relationship before you even send your first instant message. Your future dominant will appreciate you knowing what you want from them, and it will make their life considerably easier in knowing how they can support and guide you. As you’re talking to dominants online there are a few basic dating etiquette rules to remember: 

  • Use your manners. In the world of BDSM etiquette and manners go a very long way. You will be seen as a submissive unless you specify otherwise on your profile. Many dominants appreciate subs who understand the most basic protocol of keeping polite manners with dominants. Remembering to use: please, thank you Sir/Ma’am, etc. will make you look more favorable and level-headed to potential dominants. 

  • Never lie. It’s important that you be up front with any potential dominants what you are seeking from a Cg/l relationship and what realistic expectations you desire. Be up front about any time commitments and obstacles you have in your life. You don’t need to divulge personal details, but once you begin talking more seriously to a potential match, be ready to discuss schedules, communication obstacles, etc. at length. Also, never try to lie your way into a relationship. Just as Littles are nervous about getting with a Dominant who has ill-intentions, I know many Dominants who are nervous about connecting with a Little who is only out for personal gain. I have heard horror stories about Littles using and abusing dominants, only to leave them heartbroken and alone. Be yourself and stay 100% honest always! 

  • Be patient with potential dominants. As Littles we can be very needy. But it’s unrealistic to expect a dominant to know how to take care of us from the moment we meet. It will take time for your dominant to understand how you think, feel, and what type of care you need. Remain patient, kind, and understanding as they get to know you and learn how best to support your needs. 

  • Don’t send a barrage of messages to a potential dominant. We want to be loved. We want a Caregiver. We want a Daddy or Mommy and we want them RIGHT NOW!! I get it. I really do. But when you’re first talking to a dominant, allow the conversation to flow organically. Then towards the end of the conversation, if you’d like to talk to them again, ask if they’d like to chat some more later on. If they agree, schedule a date and time to connect. It can be really difficult to be patient and wait to hear from a potential dominant that you’re interested in. But don’t send a flood of messages to them. It will make you look desperate and whiney. Instead, take a deep breath and wait for your next conversation. Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder. 

  • Don’t ghost a potential dominant. I could write an entire novel on why ghosting is so bad, but I’ll try to sum this up in a few short sentences. If you’re talking to a dominant and the connection just isn’t there, thank them for their time. Tell them that you appreciate them talking to you but you don’t feel any spark or connection. Wish them well on their search for a Little and then sign off. Taking these few simple steps will keep you looking classy while respecting the other person’s heart and time. Do not ghost anyone, ever! It’s just hurtful, tacky, and cowardly. 

II. Red Flags to Watch Out For and Safety Tips to Know: 

Now that you know what to do let’s discuss things to watch out for. I’ve had my fair share of talking to people in the lifestyle who have no business being in the D/s world. There are many people online who (sadly) have real issues and cannot handle a relationship. As such, they end up hurting many subs along the way and are unable to be a proper dominant. Here are a few red flags to watch out for: 

  • Dominants who want you to call them Daddy/Mommy right when you first meet. These titles are sacred to us, Littles and no proper dominant should ever want you to call them Daddy or Mommy before you’re in an established, committed relationship. 

  • Dominants who “know it all”. I’ve got news: no one in the world of BDSM knows it all. Why? Because there is SO much to learn! The world of BDSM is a lifestyle that demands learning. There are so many safety rules, protocol rules and positions, titles, sub paths, dominant styles, etc. to know that no one person can know everything. If your potential dominant tells you to only learn from them about this lifestyle, run. You should always continue reading, learning, exploring, and talking to friends in the community on your own. 

  • Too much, too fast: Sadly there are many dominants who get vulgar with Littles because they have the wrong intentions. Yes, this lifestyle is a kink. Yes, there are many littles who have sexual little spaces and enjoy age play. But a dominant should never just “hit on” a little without consent! This lifestyle is all about consent. They should find out what the little is into and if they would be open to flirting. If so, then that’s fine. But if a dominant sends you lewd comments from the first interactions, it’s a giant red flag that they don’t know anything about this lifestyle. 

  • Substance abuse: Alcohol, drugs, and smoking have no place in little space. Why? Because it ruins the allure of being small. Regardless if you are a smoker in your adult life, when you are regressed you want your dominant to be of a healthy, sound mind and fully in control at all times. This requires them to be sober and clean at all times. Keep substances and alcohol out of little space, period. 

  • Dominants who lack maturity: This one is a little bit more tricky to judge and discover for yourself. But as you’re meeting potential dominants watch how they behave. If your dominant seems like a risk-taker or if they come off as immature, they might not make for a very good Caregiver. You will want someone who can assume the responsibility of caring for you and your needs as a Little. The more life experience and maturity they have the better off they will be as your Dominant. 

  • Dominants who want to see your pic. Right away: This is a huge red flag for several reasons. 1. They are likely vain and shallow. You need a dominant who will get to know you and ask permission to see a picture after getting to know you. 2. Asking for a picture right away comes off as immature. Showing your identity is serious and you don’t want to send your picture to just anyone. 3. You don’t know who is on the other side of the screen. So make sure that you feel comfortable before sending them that image. If a dom asks for your picture right from the start, run. 

As always, please be sure when you are browsing these lifestyle sites to use a username that isn’t close to your actual name. Do not reveal personal information, where you live, etc. unless you are 1000% sure and are in a committed relationship. Your safety is more important than anything and you want to know who is behind the other screen before you give your personal information away. Stay safe, chin up, and know that your future dominant is out there. You just need to keep looking until the right one comes along. I’m cheering you on every step of the way! 

III. Networking in the Lifestyle: The Best Sites to Know!

I’m going to end this post by giving you some websites where you can meet potential Caregivers, Daddies, and Mommies. Take your time to sift through each site and find a platform that you like best. Enjoy! 

Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it! If you did, please comment and let me know. Subscribe to the site below in the box and I will see you back here for the next topic! 

Much love, 

~Penny x