Penny's Rambles

Making Friends as an Adult is Hard [Penny’s Rambles]

Good Afternoon Friends!

I hope you all are having a relaxing Sunday. Today I am swaddled up in blankets with a cup of tea deep in thought. It feels so good to be back writing again. It’s like someone blew a deep breath of air through my lips and breathed life back into me again. I feel like myself again as thoughts flow onto the page organically. Anyway, I digress. Today I was quietly reflecting in my mind on how different it is to make friends as an adult versus how children form friendships. As a child in school I remember having “friends” that were in the same classes as I was. “Hey, we’re both in the same A.P. Spanish class! Let’s be friends!” wasn’t an uncommon thing to hear. We formed friendships based on similarities that were simple and factual. Of course this was appropriate for adolescents, as our life experiences back then were minimal and our ability to understand complex emotions wasn’t there yet.

In my own life I didn’t have the opportunity to have many friendships while I was in school. I took care of my sister who is in a wheelchair, while my parents worked full-time, so my life was spent getting good grades in school and hurrying home to care for her in the evenings. When I left home at 18 years old my definition of friendships changed again. Suddenly I was working full-time and my co-workers became the people who I chatted with on a daily basis. We groaned over low wages, long hours, and bosses who were arrogant and demanding. There was camaraderie but not…. depth to the friendship. Does that make sense?

As I was reflecting today I realized that there isn’t a manual for how to form friendships as an adult. Yes, we tell each other to attend a local munch, convention, or join a lifestyle site to meet new people. And that’s great, and I also advocate for you to do so if you feel comfortable. But for someone (like me) who is a bit more introverted, going to a munch can seem daunting. Who makes the first move in the conversation? What if I seem “old” at 37 years old? What if I come across as unknowledgeable and dim-witted to an experienced veteran of the lifestyle? These questions roll through my mind and I grow nervous to my core. I try to read lifestyle books as often as I’m able. I try to keep myself abreast of new terms that are ever-changing in the BDSM Community. But I never want to come across as completely uninformed about things.

Forming friendships is hard. In the past I’ve opened my heart to friends in the lifestyle only to have things go completely sideways for one reason or another. I’m the type of person who isn’t afraid to self-reflect for hours to assess what I could have done differently to learn from my mistakes. I wish there was a way to connect with people who you know are just as eager to make friends too. People who are trustworthy, kind, understanding, patient, honest and blunt, and…. kinky. Yeah, let’s throw that adjective into the mix because I don’t think I’d mesh well with someone who is too “vanilla” (lol). If I had the technological know-how I would create a friendship-matching website to help people make friends (even across the many miles!) who have like interests and an open mind. But alas, I’m actually a “noob” at technology.

I blame my age on my struggles with technology. I vividly remember life before the internet. I remember when you had to pick up the phone and have a conversation with someone in order to get to know them. I dated in a time where texting was just beginning to pick up, but normally people still met face to face. I connected (before I got in the lifestyle) with dates because we had mutual friends or they were “a friend of a friend”. I remember when stationary was a “thing” and letter writing was a skill that everyone knew how to do. I guess I’m an old soul at heart. Sometimes I feel like too much technology, and the speed of things these days, has taken away the personable feel for meeting people. One click, one block, one trash button and that person vanishes forever. No longer do we need to muster the skill to actually talk to other human beings to make friends. Instead we text or use emojis. (And I’m not totally hating on emoji’s 🙂 I promise). We can remain in our tiny, bubble on our smartphones instead of looking up and seeing whose eyes you meet.

Anyway, I apologize for rambling. I just thought I’d post a little Sunday reflection post and share a bit of what’s on my heart. I hope everyone is having a lovely day and I will see you back here for the next post! <3

Much love,

~Penny x