Submission 101: What Does it Mean to “Be” a Submissive?
Good Afternoon Friends!
A very Happy Wednesday to you! Today is Wednesday Word Search and we are back with another free printable for you to enjoy. Please take a look over in our weekly games and puzzles section to enjoy today’s printable.
🌻 Important Announcements: 🌻
Here on our site we strive to help every Dominant and submissive learn, grow, and thrive to become the best person they can be. One common problem that I see so often in our community are people getting hurt from littles who don’t know much about the lifestyle (or themselves), or dominants who don’t know how to dominate in a healthy way. It’s awful, and so in our effort to help the community we want to teach everyone about: Vetting!
When you meet a potential partner you have the right to ask them lifestyle questions to get to know them. You should be asking them questions about their background, philosophy, experience in the lifestyle, and so on. You need to know who you’re talking to! This is why we have created a FREE printable for both Doms and subs to print off and ask questions to potential partners. In our lifestyle documents section you will find separate lists with questions to ask a potential Little or Dominant. Now you can ask those important questions without worry about forgetting what to ask. You can type in each question and reflect upon their answers. We hope these prove valuable to you and sending you looking for your partner with greater ease! 💗
And now, onto today’s blog post topic!
I wanted to take a detour from our “60 Days of Little Introspection” series for a little bit, because I noticed some questions coming up in community forums that could be addressed with more foundational education. Like walking down a quiet side street I invite you to join me as we dive into this Submission 101 series. In this 6-part series we will examine the foundational aspects of submission and what it means in a power exchange relationship. We will explore how to be a better companion to your Dominant, and discover why Dominant burnout happens. You will be provided with useful information on how to submit on the hard days of life, and how to better hone your skills to best serve your Dominant. Now then, are you ready? Then, let’s dive in!
I. 🌺The Basics of Obedience and Power Exchange: 🌺
Did you know that Cg/l and Dom/little relationship dynamics are different? For some this might be shocking, and truthfully I’m not surprised. In our lifestyle the terms “Cg/l” and “D/s” get thrown around a lot. Here in this 101 series I’d like to break down things in the most clear-cut way to help you understand what is what so that you don’t get mixed up.
- A Dominant is someone who holds some (or all) of the power over another person/s in a relationship. In our lifestyle they are often referred to as a Daddy or Mommy. They might also be called a Caregiver.
- A Caregiver is someone in our lifestyle who cares for their adult little by nurturing, pampering, and taking care of them. There may or may not be power exchanged in a Cg/l relationship.
- Not every Caregiver is a Dominant.
- Genuine Dominants in our lifestyle often possess qualities of Caregivers while also desiring to hold some power in the relationship dynamic.
For the purposes of keeping things clear I am going to use the term, “Dom/little” from now on because this series is designed to help littles who are also submissives. If you are a Little who does not wish to surrender power or control in designated areas of their life, that’s perfectly fine! Know that I’m cheering you on and there will be TONS of posts, resources, and activities for you to participate in here on the site. 😊 Now, let’s move on to how power exchange works.
When you enter into a Dom/little relationship there are steps that should be taken beforehand. You don’t just want to jump into a connection with the first “Dom” that showers you with sweet messages. No! You deserve to know who you’re talking to, and for your Dominant to prove that they are genuine in their intentions! Therefore I highly encourage you to take the following steps:
- Step 1: Vet any potential partner! Ask the hard questions and really listen to their answers. Do they sound like they’re spitting out a well-rehearsed answer from a BDSM book? Or can they explain to you their prior experience and where they’ve gone wrong, and the lessons they learned from past mistakes? Make sure that your Dominant has a deep understanding of the lifestyle and what it takes to be a Daddy or Mommy.
- Step 2: Take your time in communicating with a potential partner. It takes time to form a genuine connection. You need to know that beyond the cuddles, play sessions, and coloring, that you two are compatible.
- Step 3: Consider formal training. Your Dominant is yearning to know how to best guide you, and you to serve them. Consider coming together to fill out a kinks, fetishes, and fantasies questionnaire (if you wish to share those things in your little space). Then, explore each one together. If your little space is non-sexual, slowly begin to explore fun play dates (virtually) together to experience little space together.
Once you’ve selected the Dominant that you wish to form a relationship with then power is exchanged. You will want to sit down with your partner and decide what areas of your life you want to surrender power to them. “Surrendering power” is just a fancy term for letting them have control, and guiding you through the decision making process of that part of your life. For example: If you are struggling with weight loss, you might ask your Dominant to control your food and exercise part of your life. They can help you by creating a workout schedule, picking out your meals, and making you submit “proof” of a food journal. Additionally they can have you exercise on a video chat or take a photo of your time spent on a treadmill.
The goal of surrendering power and allowing your Dominant to guide you is to place trust, control, and power into that individual with the understanding that the decisions they make are made with your best intention at heart. So, think about what areas of your life that you want to surrender control to your Dominant and make a list ahead of time. This will be an excellent tool to have on hand when you sit down with your partner.
II. 🌹Obedience as an Adult Little-Submissive:🌹
Now let’s focus on obedience. For some, simply hearing the word “obey” makes their inner brat want to rebel. Bratting can be loads of fun to explore in a D/s relationship if done properly. Bratting is a perfectly acceptable, fun, and enticing form of behavior for many Dominants. It can create a “thrill” for FUN-ishments, and spur the Dominant into dominating their sub. Just remember to never use your behavior to harm the power exchange dynamic in your relationship. Do not “top from the bottom” (a.k.a. tell your Dominant what to do and how to do it). Doing so will undermine the trust placed in the Dominant.
When you enter into a D/s relationship you will be expected to have the ability to obey to some degree. For each couple this will look differently. It is your role as the submissive to support your Dominant in allowing them to… dominate! Your Dominant should be allowed to project authority and control without being a bully, aggressive, or using intimidation. Support them by completing your assigned tasks. Allow them to project that sense of control by following their commands. Does it mean that you’re a doormat? Absolutely not! It means that you have found someone you trust to lead you and as such, you respect them enough to allow them to lead and guide you. Remember as the submissive you:
- Will have given consent for your Dominant to control certain areas of your life (and outlined areas in which they do not control, as well).
- Will have stated clearly your hard and soft limits, which they must abide by at all times.
- Will have a set of safe-words (both for verbal and non-verbal communication) to use in every play session.
- Still retain a sense of control in the relationship. You are not a prisoner. This is your choice, and it is a choice that should be made very carefully. You have the right to say “no” to your Dominant if something feels uncomfortable, dangerous, or goes over a limit of any kind.
III. 🌼The Key to Standing Out as a Great Submissive:🌼
The last point I want to dissect today is what it takes to stand out as a genuine little-submissive. Just as you will be vetting Dominants to find the “diamond in the rough”, your Dominant will be doing the same. You will want to come across as knowledgeable of the lifestyle, understanding of your role, completely sure of your wants, expectations, and desires from a relationship, and knowing what you can provide and give to them too. In order to do this I encourage you to focus on these two key features:
- Character qualities
- Devotion to your submission
I will always “keep it real” here on this site, so I’m just gonna put it out there: being a Dominant is hard! Do Mommies and Daddies love to care for little-submissives? Yes. Do they yearn to guide us and watch us flourish under their command? Absolutely! Is it easy? No way! Think about it: they still have jobs, school, pets, bills to pay, and so on. They have full lives outside of their D/s that they have to care for, in addition to caring for you! Therefore, one of the best ways to demonstrate your ability to be a great submissive is to exhibit moral strength and common sense. Be understanding of their time schedule and limitations. (I know being patient is hard, but dig deep and wait for them to respond). Approach each conversation from a place of kindness and respect. Stand strong in your beliefs, needs, and wants, but also listen attentively to their needs and wants too. This is a relationship and it will be full of negotiation and compromise!
Do your due diligence and learn as much as you can about the D/s lifestyle. There are tons of great books and resources for you to explore to gain more wisdom and insight into the path of submission. Knowledge is power so read, read, read!! Lastly, always show your Dominant respect. Even if they are a potential Dominant, be courteous and respectful in your interactions. We all have bad days, but try to separate that emotion from your interactions with others. In other words, work through your issues with a trusted friend or family member and then communicate with lifestyle people.
🌸Devotion to Your Submission:🌸
As you continue to journey in life as a Dominant or submissive you will come to understand that this is a lifestyle practice. It is a way of being that takes practice, knowledge, and continual maintenance to feel “proficient” in understanding what you’re doing. Yes, you can regress into your little space, but you need to also learn how to self-soothe. You will need to master the ability to feel a sense of oneness between your little self and your “big me”. You will need to be able to regress with ease and comfort in front of your Dominant and learn how to let them into this sacred space. You will need to explore your feelings surrendering power while regressed.
There are a lot of factors to consider as you navigate your journey as a little-submissive, but I can tell you that it is a journey full of rewards and deep introspection. It’s absolutely worth it and here on the site we are here to help you every step of the way! If you feel that being a little-submissive is the path you desire to travel, make a pledge to yourself to explore more about the lifestyle. Watch educational videos, read books, and make new lifestyle friends. Attend workshops and conferences on topics that interest you. Be devoted to your path of submission. In doing so you will surely stand out as a quality, genuine submissive.
Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it! If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here and I will see you back here for the next topic in this series tomorrow! 🙂