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BDSM Spotlight Interview with Stormrolfr!

Good Morning Friends!

On my last blog, littlepennyberry, I used to host spotlight interviews over members of the BDSM Community that I felt were a quality source of information and a spotlight of someone to look up to. (It also helped me to make new friends!). Today we are bringing back our interviews and kicking things off with my very dear friend, Storm a.k.a. James! 😄 He is a wonderful person, an extremely knowledgeable Dominant, and just an awesome source of information. So, without further ado please get to know my friend, James! 💖

💙The Basics: 💙

Preferred Name: Storm or James. I answer to both and it depends on where you know me from.

Age: 38

Relationship Status: Single

Blog URL or Other Socials for people to get to know you: https://hellrodewithhim.wordpress.com/

Number of years in the BDSM Lifestyle: Kink aware for twenty-two, practicing off and on for fifteen. 

Question 1: How did you first come across the BDSM lifestyle and what made you decide to become a Dominant?
I was young when I first discovered my introduction to the world of BDSM and it was entirely by accident. I was still a minor and perusing the fantasy/science-fiction section of my local public library and I discovered a misplaced copy of “The Story of O”. I don’t remember what possessed me to pick it up. It was a nondescript book: white covered with small, bold black title print and nothing else. When I finally got around to reading it, I was enthralled, mesmerized and a little shook up. I was immediately drawn to it. From there, I had to know more. This was the dawn of the internet for a lot of people back then and I was immediately swept up into Yahoo! lifestyle chat rooms and the Kinkfo section on Craigslist. I was lucky. The people I met were displeased that I had discovered these things so young, understandably, but I met a few that would still talk to me, but only insofar as ethics and responsible practice was concerned. They guided me a lot in why things were done the way that they were, but not the how’s, if that makes sense. I really lucked out in avoiding any grooming or predatory behavior.

As to how I decided I was Dominant? I was drawn to it. You either are or you aren’t. It is what lies in your universal truth. Dominance can’t be taught, but it can be awoken. I didn’t choose to be Dominant. I just am. It is who and what I was before I knew it had a name or label. It resonates in me. It’s like finding a good pair of shoes that fit just right.

Question 2: How would you describe your Dominant philosophy today?
That is a very loaded question. I’ve evolved a lot over the years and I’ll try to sum it up as best as I can. I am a gentleman, primal, sadist Daddy Dom. Some of those descriptors may seem like they’re contradictory, but I promise you, they blend together well for me. We’ll start with the first. Through maintaining my gentleman Dom, I show and reinforce my sub’s value through acts of kindness and chivalry. As a primal top, I take what is mine. As a sadist, I mark what is mine. As a Daddy Dom, I provide loving Dominance, leadership and guidance. This is a very top down view, but I feel like it adequately explains my Dominant philosophy without writing a dissertation. 

Question 3: You have mentioned on your blog that you are a Gentleman Dom. In today’s society, do you feel that chivalry is not as prevalent as it used to be in, say the 1950’s? Why or why not?
I don’t know if everyone is going to be ready for this answer. I do not feel like chivalry is prevalent anymore in society. As to why, I blame a combination of our current socio-political atmosphere and the laziness of men. To the latter, even before third wave feminism swept the country, men as whole, grew complacent. I don’t know if this was because of the lack of actual hands on parenting as MTV raised an entire generation, or a shift in cultural importance on polite etiquette, but I know even as I was being raised in the 80s and growing up in the 90s that other boys weren’t being raised like I was being raised. Fast forward another 15 years and you have people telling us that how we were raised was bad. That opening doors, offering an umbrella, or even helping someone cross the street is negative. These things were never done because women couldn’t or shouldn’t do them, they were done out of genuine respect and social niceties not toxic masculinity. The ones that still hold to these older, traditional values keep them to ourselves mostly now and show that side to the ones we care about and the ones we love. It isn’t worth the argument anymore.

Question 4: As a Daddy Dom, what do you think is the number one lesson that new Daddy Doms need to know and why?
This is a big question and multifaceted, but the short answer is: learn your little. Your little is complex. Between their adult identity and their little self, there’s a lot you need to unpack. Learn their love languages and how to speak it back to them. Learn how they learn best and use that in how you approach punishment and reward. Learn her stressors and what causes tension and how to relieve those stresses and tension. 

💙BDSM Lifestyle Questions: 💙

Question 1: I believe you had mentioned to me before that you trained up in the Old Guard traditions before moving forward in your own journey. One part of the Old Guard lifestyle that has always fascinated me is when a new trainee would approach a Master and give a “letter of commitment”. This document would serve as their intention and wish to be trained by the Master (exclusively) and to learn all there is to know about the Old Guard. In the Cg/l lifestyle I often see Daddies and Mommies struggling and (sometimes chasing) after littles to find their forever sub. Do you think that the community could stand to have a certain protocol where a Little should seek out the Dominant and give a letter of commitment? Why or why not?
The people I learned from learned from the Old Guard directly. I got the passed down explanations and knowledge and even then, some of that had already been changed away from traditional BDSM values. Most of the Old Guard were gone by the time I fully came into the lifestyle. There are still outliers here and there, but for the most part, that era is gone. I mulled this letter of commitment over for close to an hour and I’m not a fan of it and this is why: The little has no genuine way to discover if their prospective Mommy or Daddy Dominant is decent. On Fetlife, the Facebook groups and even in Discord, you see it all the time. A little got duped by someone claiming a title, but not being who they said they are. Part of this is due to bad vetting or even a lack of vetting. Another part is people not being properly educated. A top, who is just a kinkster and not a Dominant, has daddy kink and claims to be a Daddy, and isn’t. Unless there is a network like what the Old Guard had established, as wonderful as the idea of a letter of commitment would be, it wouldn’t be feasible. Furthermore, there is a growing trend in the DD/lg groups of littles claiming to be a DD/lg little when they’re not. DD/l and Cg/l are two radically different, yet similar lifestyles. One incorporates D/s (Dominance and submission) and the other doesn’t. 

Question 2: You mentioned:  Furthermore, there is a growing trend in the DD/lg groups of littles claiming to be a DD/lg little when they’re not. DD/l and Cg/l are two radically different, yet similar lifestyles. My question is, Can you elaborate on what you mean by a number of littles who claim to be Dd/lg when they’re not? How can Dominants seeking a little-submissive “vet” a little to be able to tell who is actually a little desiring power exchange, and who is a little who is more about the regression and in want of a Caregiver? 

What I mean by it is littles that are CG/l and not DD/l. To me, that difference is the little isn’t submissive. They don’t participate in D/s and they’re there to lure Doms in because they can’t find Caregivers who aren’t Dominants. As to the vetting question, you ask questions about submission. What does submission mean to them? Do they want 24/7 or bedroom only? How do they express their submission when they submit? If the answers don’t match what I’m vetting for, I’ll move on and that’s how everyone should be approaching vetting. Don’t settle. Be honest in what you want and go after it.

Question 3: For the record, please explain to everyone what the difference is between a Dom/little relationship and a Cg/l relationship? 

The easiest explanation of the the two is that a CG/lg relationship doesn’t have D/s (Dominance and submission). There can be kink, sure, but they will lack D/s. And they’re nothing wrong with that in the least. Not every caregiver is Dominant and not every little is submissive. Just own who you are and be honest in it.

Question 4: Do you believe that there should be formal training in D/s relationships? Why or why not and how could that training be applied to Cg/l relationships? 

Yes and no. I hate high protocol. It’s too stuffy and it’s not me. That’s not to say that there aren’t plenty of people who thrive with and love high protocol. Formal training just sounds too damn stuffy. It’s just not what I want to do and that’s the great part about the greater BDSM lifestyle, right? You can pick and choose what you like and discard the rest, provided your following safety protocols such as SSC, RACK or PRICK. I do think there should be more education. Greater education minimizes risk in both our personal lives and in the bedroom. You wouldn’t go and get a portable saw and use it right out of the box without first familiarizing yourself with the tool. Maybe read the handbook? Watch a YouTube tutorial? Maybe even take a woodshop class? I do think that couples should learn together. Research the same topics. Come back and compare notes. Maybe they saw something you missed? 

Question 5: We always hear about RACK and SSC, but I don’t think PRICK gets enough attention (especially for those into impact play!). Can you please tell everyone what PRICK stands for and what the difference between RACK and PRICK is, and why knowing both are important? 

So we all know, or hopefully know, what SSC means. It’s the bare minimum of the safety protocols in BDSM. SSC means safe, sane and consensual. Is your kinky thing you’re about to do safe? Are you in a clear state of mind? Do you consent to it? RACK stands for Risk-Aware Consensual Kink. RACK means you are aware of the risk. You’ve at least researched the kink and you’re aware of the risks. Consensual is agreeing to the dirty rotten fun. Kink is the activity of play itself, power exchange and/or the moment. PRICK stands for Personal Responsibility, Informed, Consensual Kink. PRICK is my preferred safety protocol. PRICK is an evolution of RACK. It was developed to make it clear that all kinksters should take personal responsibility for all of their kink. Personal Responsibility and Informed means doing your own homework and not blindly accepting what other people tell you or trusting one post or article you read. It means that you fully understand what is about to happen, the risks involved and how to mitigate the risks. Consensual Kink is exactly what it sounds like. You’ve done your homework, you’re aware of all the fun and risk, and consent to the happy play time. As a Daddy Dom, I will often assign research to my little if she is inexperienced in a kink. Nothing tedious, just a fun little essay to show me that she is being active in her education and that she understands the risks, how to mitigates risks, and any applicable first aid responses.

Question 6: How can a Little-sub best “vet” a potential Mommy or Daddy to know if they are genuine or not? 

You’re just flipping the above questions. What does Dominance mean to you? What does caregiving mean to you? How do the two coincide? Do you want a 24/7 relationship with D/s? Are you bedroom only in your Dominance? Then be real specific in caregiving questions, such as how would you handle a little in distress? The caregivers that are in this for kink and kink only won’t be able to give focused answers on caregiving because it’s not in their nature.

Question 7: As an experienced Dominant, I’m sure you know all too well about Dom or Top drop. This can be especially true when impact play is involved because I’ve heard from friends that sometimes new Doms can feel guilty for inflicting pain on their partner. What is the best way that a sub can support their Dom to prevent Dom Drop? 

You’re not going to prevent Dom Drop. Especially if your Dom is new and they’re still consolidating their Dominant, and maybe sadist self, into their true self. There will be drop, it’s just a matter of when. How you would mitigate that drop is by first being aware of what aftercare your Dom responds to, just like they know what kind of aftercare you need. Do they need cuddles and back scratches? Do they need quiet alone time? Remind your Dom that you needed this, wanted this and consented to the scene. Tell them what you really liked about the scene and how it made you feel. Encourage them.

Question 8: How did you discover that you’re a Sadist and what was your first scene like with a Bottom (if you feel comfortable sharing; no names obviously 🙂 )? 

I knew I was into sadism from the allure of “The Story of O”. Right? Like honestly, the only way anyone is going to get through the “Story of O” is if they’re into it. Especially today. It’s a difficult read. From there, I explored more. I discovered the Marquis de Sade and that of course led to chatrooms and reading tons of essays and articles on sadomasochism. 

I’ll be dating myself a little here sharing my first scene, but I had been dating a girl that I met off Craigslist for several months. Unbeknownst to me, she had been looking for a Dom, but couldn’t find what she was looking for in her community. Unbeknownst to her, I was already aware of my proclivities, but had yet to receive an outlet for them. One night, the girlfriend brought over a massive black duffle bag and in that bag was all manner of wonderful toys. From floggers to restraints, dildos to blindfolds, it was like a catalog of kink. She told me I could use whatever I wanted in that bag, but I had to respect her safeword. If she said blue, all play stopped. She explained that if I didn’t stop, I could seriously hurt her. There was so much in the bag, I wanted to use all of it. I remember feeling awkward and unsure of myself, but this is something I had wanted for such a long time, but had never been able to express. I haphazardly threaded a pair of handcuffs through the headboard, flipped her over, cuffed her and and selected a paddle to start with. Over the course of several hours, I experimented with the paddle, the riding crop and a heavy flogger. It was invigorating to say the least. 

Question 9: Being a Sadist, what are some methods that you use to engage in play sessions when you’re in a long distance relationship? 

This is an excellent question. Directed impact play is a personal favorite. They’re either shared live on video call or videos and photos are sent after instructions are given and the act performed. It doesn’t satiate the same way, but her willingness to please is still undeniably electric. Mental sadism gets exercised a lot in long distance relationships. Edging and orgasm denial being the most common tools of the trade. But honestly, directed impact play… there’s just something about it. I’m not going to lie to you guys, just thinking about it gets me salivating. 

Question 10: How do you balance your Sadist side with your Daddy Dom side? 
The sadist is for scenes and play. Pure and simple. The Daddy Dom is for everything else. From day to day living, to aftercare, to any act of loving Dominance or caregiving, that’s where the DD resides.

Question 11: If you had to pick a favorite implement what would it be and why? 
I debated this pretty heavily. Flogger. Hands down. The rhythm of the flogging, the sound of the tails swishing through the air, the thud on flesh… It is intoxicating. A heady rush that is quickly fought down as I guide her into subspace. 

😂I want to wrap up this interview with a meme because James and I love to swap memes. Here is one I saw this morning that made me bust out laughing. I hope it gives you a giggle too! 😂

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