Submission 101 Series, Uncategorized

Submission 101: How to Be a Companion For Your Dominant

Good Afternoon Friends,

Today I want to dissect the word, companionship, at length. What does it mean to be a companion for your partner? How do we, as submissives, be a healthy companion for our Dominant? I believe that any adult at any age is fully capable of being a companion for their Dom if they come in with the right intentions and a willingness to learn. Today we are going to explore non-verbal communication and body language. We are going to discuss the importance of learning to be comfortable with silence. And we are going to round things out with skills you can hone to have amazing conversations with your partner. Are you ready? Then, let’s dive in.

🧐I. Learning to Read Your Dom’s Emotional State: 🧐

How many people out there are like me in that you are a bubbly person by nature? How many people consider themselves the “talkative” one between you and your partner? Do you get excited and talk even faster when you are passionate about a topic? Are you raising your hand like I am? Then let me guide you into this first life lesson. One of the most important things you can do as a submissive is to learn to read your partner’s mood and emotional state. When we excitedly jump in and talk a “mile a minute” to our partner we can often fail to study how they are feeling. Dominants and Caregivers of littles are often patient people. They have a willingness to listen to us “squee” and ramble for hours in ways that other types of Dominants cannot. But at the end of the day they are still people. They get tired. They need to rest. They need for us to notice when they need support, and to pause our confetti shower to come to their aid.

If your Dominant is anything like mine, then they are much more of a listener than a talker. Many people naturally censor themselves in conversations, but their non-verbal cues are a good indicator as to how they are feeling. Cue into these clues to begin to read your Dominant. You can even do this over video chat if you are a long distance couple. Look for vocal variations in their tone. Your dominant might slightly increase their pitch and speak more animatedly if they are happy, or they might lower their tone slightly and speak more slowly or succinctly if they are upset. Notice their facial expressions and their arm gestures. Are they crossing their arms as if feeling protective over themselves? Watch their breathing patterns to see if they are looking relaxed or tense. Study their eyes to see if they look amused, exhausted, sad, or angry. All of these cues are helpful for you to gauge how (and when) to connect with your Dominant.

But why? Why can’t we just be our happy, talkative selves to our Dominant anytime we wish?!

Whether you are a long distance couple or not, your Dominant will need your support. Just as they are there to guide, nurture, and tend to your needs, so too are you there to uplift, serve, and support them in their everyday life. Learning to read their mood will help them feel supported. It means that even though we are Little we also can be mature adults. We know when to take a pause and be that loving, trusting person that they can turn to for release, comfort, and security. In doing so you will help your Dominant feel more confident, relaxed, and strong again.

🤫II. Learn to Be Comfortable With Silence: 🤫

Do you ever struggle with silence? (I do too). I’ve noticed that as technology has evolved more people are online for most of the day. We are accustomed to having stimulation in our eyes all the time. We wake up and check our smartphones. We go get ready for the day while watching videos online or listening to music. We turn on music in the car as we drive to work or listen to a podcast. Depending upon your work you might be in front of a screen all day. We check our phones on our lunch break. We come home and turn on the TV to relax. We blog or watch YouTube videos before bed. Rinse and repeat. When do we ever give our brains a chance to just be quiet? When do we sit in silence and simply be? When you are actively tending to your Dominant this is the perfect time to grow comfortable with sitting in silence. I challenge you to try one of the following:

  • 💙Sit quietly next to your Dominant in service while they are working or relaxing. Don’t do anything. Just sit and be attentive should they need you.
  • 💙Snuggle up silently while they are reading or playing a video game. Allow your mind to wander to your own thoughts. Use this time of silence for self-reflection.
  • 💙Go for a drive with your partner. Instead of turning on music or talking, roll down the windows and just soak in the day together. Be silent and enjoy the moment as it is.

Learning to sit comfortably in silence with your partner will bring amazing benefits to your conversations too. Being silent allows your partner time to collect their thoughts and talk slowly through their feelings. Not everyone can think quickly on their toes. By being quiet for your Dominant to talk through their feelings you are conveying deep respect, understanding, and love towards them. These moments of silence are actually a health benefit for you both too! Did you know that taking time to be silent each day has been proven to lower blood pressure and boost the immune system? Now, if that isn’t a reason to take some quiet time I don’t know what is! 😄

😃III. Being a Great Conversationalist as a Submissive:😃

I want to finish up this post by focusing on how you, as a submissive, can be an excellent conversationalist with your partner. These are just a few simple tips and tricks to help you have smooth, meaningful, enjoyable conversations with your partner. They are meant to help enhance the wonderful connection that you already have. That said, here we go:

  • 🧡Listen attentively to your Dominant and let them finish their full thought process before you speak up. Never interrupt their train of thought unless absolutely necessary.
  • 🧡Don’t try to compare your personal experiences with theirs unless they ask for it. As your Dominant opens up to you about personal life experiences, take the approach of empathy, support, and compassion. Validate their feelings by letting them know that they are heard by you, and that you are here for them. Give them your love and loyalty. Thank them for opening up to you and let them know how meaningful this moment of vulnerability was for you.
  • 🧡Be well read on your Dominant’s hobbies and interests even if they aren’t your own. By doing so you can have conversations about things they like, and they will appreciate that you went the “extra mile” to learn about things that interest them.
  • 🧡Know when your Dominant needs to open up and be vulnerable with you. Create a safe space for them to be emotional with you. Understand that this can be difficult for some cis-men, but you creating a private, safe space for them to express their feelings is a wonderful, loving way to serve them.
  • 🧡Ask questions that lead to deeper conversations. As you are having conversations with your Dominant pay attention and ask questions when appropriate. By doing so it will show that you care to learn more about them, and that you’re paying attention to what they have to say.
  • 🧡Be approachable to your Dominant. We all have good and bad days, but strive to have a demeanor that is warm, open minded, and focused when speaking with your Dominant. Try not to get distracted by too many things when you are together as a couple.
  • 🧡Keep a journal to remember important information about your Dominant. This is especially helpful if you are in a long distance relationship. Juggling your real, vanilla life with your D/s relationship isn’t always easy. There is a lot that goes through a persons mind. An easy trick to not forgetting meaningful, important information about your Dominant is to write it down in a keepsake journal! Keep a record that you can look back and reflect upon. This will also help transfer the information from short term memory to long term memory.

Alright my friends, that’s from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here, and I will see you back here for the next topic!

Much love,

~Penny x