Submission 101: Submitting Through the Hard Times

Good Afternoon Friends!

I hope you all are having a good week. Today is Tracing Tuesday so don’t forget to pick up your Little Space Tracing Page for today’s free printable! Around here the Captain and I are busy putting the finishing touches on the next book while prepping for all of the fun events happening in May. Today I want to slow things down and focus on how we can connect with our submission during hard times. Lord knows that everyone is going to face difficult times. It’s inevitable that at some point in your life you will face an obstacle that throws your normal life upside down. When this complication occurs, how you navigate the hard times while still submitting to your Dominant, will bring you and your partner closer together. It won’t be easy, but I know you can do it and in today’s post I’m going to give you ideas how to get started. Now then, are you ready? Then, let’s dive in.

I. Finding Adaptability with Your Dominant’s Style:

For every person in the D/s lifestyle becoming a Dominant or submissive is a journey. It is a personal experience of growth and deeper understanding of self that occurs with every passing year. This lifestyle requires practitioners to educate themselves, seek out the community, network and make friends, and have enriching experiences with a trusting partner/s. It’s important to understand that your Dominant will also be changing and evolving too. Life changes people. Aging changes people. With so many different types of dominant styles to choose from, your dominant has the ability to begin as one type of person entering the D/s lifestyle, and evolve into another type that best fits their philosophy as they age. Learn to be adaptable to their own growth.

When the hard times occur your Dominant may not be able to give you tasks, commands, or impact play sessions. They may be far too tired to read bedtime stories or stay up late playing video games with you. If they are ill, the last thing on their mind might be dominating you. It’s important to remember that their illness, exhaustion, or mental distractions are not indicative of their desire to be your Dominant! Your Dom loves and cares for you. What you are facing is a “valley” in life. It’s a hard time that you will need to adapt and walk through with your partner. So, the best way you can serve them is to adapt to the situation. If your Dom is ill, give them the best care that you can possibly give. Put on your domestic service hat and go to work! If you Dom is struggling with a mental health issue, be there for them with love and support. Suggest that they seek professional help if necessary. Be that loving, stable hand through life’s storms. Sometimes the best service a sub can give is just to hold their Dominant close when they are flat out exhausted.

You have all the power in the world to shift your mind from feeling overwhelmed with the obstacles in life to thinking, “how can I use this negative situation to bring more love and support to my Dom?”. Be gentle with yourself. You don’t need to be Superman. Take one step and let your actions reflect the unconditional love you hold. Then take another step. Move slowly and know that “this too shall pass”.

II. Finding Pride in Your Submission:

I was listening to a psychology podcast not long ago when the topic came up about how the majority of society has a very skewed, negative perception of what BDSM (and specifically Domination and submission) is. This perception stems from long-ingrained viewpoints that have been pervasive throughout society. We are raised to hear phrases that shape our mindset towards personal relationships. How many of these phrases have you heard before?

  • “Happy wife, happy life”
  • “Happy spouse, peaceful house”
  • “The way to his heart is through his stomach”
  • “Keep his belly full and his balls empty”
  • “I’ve learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it”.- Lyndon B. Johnson (36th U.S. President)
  • “The secret to a happy marriage? Do whatever your wife tells you. ‘Yes Dear’ and breathe.- Denzel Washington

Obviously there are some major flaws with the statements above. But I want to point out the power struggle in each of these statements. They are very much, “do this, get that” or transactional ways of thinking. In D/s relationships we take a radically different approach to achieve happiness in our connections. As you dive into your submission you will need to re-train your brain to think more in terms of power exchange than traditional vanilla relationships. Your focus will be geared more towards the mindfulness of moving through your day serving your Dom and any other loved ones you have. Your mind will be centered around the need to serve your Dom (and any family, pets, etc.) without seeking anything in return.

Your submission isn’t transactional. It is devotional. It is rooted and grown from a place of time, maturity, love, and trust. There is honor in your submission. It might look like hustling to make sandwiches for lunchboxes before the bus arrives and pouring a coffee to go for your Dom, or leaving a sweet text to your Dom via long distance. But it is still service! Your mindfulness to serve, even when life is hectic, busy, difficult, and stressful…. is honorable. Be proud of yourself! You are a strong sub and that strength is what will anchor you to your submission in the hard times.

III. Use Your Wheelhouse of Skills When Things Get Hard:

While you are navigating this time of struggle I encourage you to find small rituals that anchor you to your submission. Look for something achievable that you can do consistently. Pick something that is small, but meaningful to you. Maybe it’s laying out your Dominant’s clothes for them, or giving them a coffee at the start of every morning. Perhaps it’s sending a quick video message of love while calling them their preferred honorific, at the start or end of the day. Choose something that resonates with you and your partner. Lean into that one small thing. It will help tether you to your D/s when everything else seems to go by in a blur.

Remember to try to prep for as many things as you can. Use your service to write down to-do lists (to mentally unburden yourself), meal prep ahead (to alleviate cooking), or find a time each day to connect as a couple. Create systems in place so that you don’t feel overwhelmed by the mundane tasks when your focus is shifted elsewhere during trying times. Lean into your Dominant for emotional release. They are there to love, guide, and support you no matter what you’re facing. A Dom is not a “fair weather friend”. They are your rock through the storm! Let them be as such when you need them most. Draw upon their strength to press on when things get stressful. Lastly, remember who you are at your core. You are an amazing person who has chosen the path of submission. You have connected with a Dominant who loves and cares for you. You have chosen to surrender power to your partner, and they have chosen to accept you fully as their submissive. Be grateful for your Dominant and let love carry you both through.

Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it! If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here, and I will see you back here for the next topic!

Much love,

~Penny x

6 responses to “Submission 101: Submitting Through the Hard Times”

  1. “Your submission isn’t transactional. It is devotional. It is rooted and grown from a place of time, maturity, love, and trust. There is honor in your submission.” This particular part of your post is the BEST thing that I have read on submission in a long time. Awesome post, Penny Berry! XOXO

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