Submission 102: Creating “Oneness” with your “Big Me” and “Little Me”
Good Afternoon Friends,
I hope you all are having a lovely day. Today I am sitting in quiet reflection. What a beautiful thing it is that we have the space and freedom to express ourselves authentically in this lifestyle. Not everyone can be a Little so publicly. So, today my thoughts go out to those living in areas where BDSM is still illegal and being a Little is persecuted. That said, in today’s post I want to focus on how we can bring more mindfulness and attention to unifying our adult self with our inner little. Often times we describe these two facets of ourselves as parts. When mentally regressing we revert into a different mindset. But I believe that we should pause and view both our little side and our adult self as two parts of a whole. We can tap into our little side while still maintaining our adult mindset and behavior. We can feel our inner little whether we regress or not. In tonight’s post I want to show you how to bring a deeper unification to yourself in hopes that you will feel more empowered in your own little identity. Are you ready? Then, let’s dive in.
I. Embracing Your Inner “Little Me”:
How many of you were taught to “grow up” when you were a child? How many of you were raised in a household where children were supposed to be “seen but not heard”? There are certain types of environments that can greatly impact our childhood. Childhood is commonly associated with a type of innocence, wonder, and curiosity about the world. And yet, often times this necessary part of childhood development is squashed because parents and schools will push children towards achieving higher grades, rigorous testing, and excellence above all else. While academic pursuit is essential for growth, it is equally as important that children be allowed to play. Children need time and attention to connect with trusted loved ones in their life. But when this need isn’t met, often times the result is an adult who has a wounded inner child. Fortunately, you can work with your inner child (or “Little Me”) if you have felt neglected, abandoned, or cast aside. By creating a loving relationship with your Little side you can begin to repair and strengthen this part of yourself.
One form of inner child healing comes from meditation taught by renowned Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh in his book, “Reconciliation”. In his book he suggests reciting a mantra to yourself daily while practicing deep breathing. Begin by taking a deep breath in as you think, “I go back to my inner child”. Then while breathing out think to yourself, “I take care of my inner child”. Do this same mantra and breathing exercise for several minutes until you feel centered and deeply connected to your inner little. Give yourself love and reassurance. It’s important to understand that everyone’s little side will be different. The emotions that bubble up are your own, so be gentle and keep an open mind as you move through this experience with connecting to your inner little. It can be deeply moving the first time you tap into your inner child. I also recommend keeping a journal to record your thoughts as you navigate your journey as a little. It will be a wonderful tool to reflect upon down the road as you grow more comfortable with your little side. (Note: I do want to mention here that there are many excellent therapists who do inner child work with clients and getting professional help to work on inner child healing is a extremely helpful outlet to utilize, especially if deep trauma is involved.)
II. Feeling a Connection to Your Inner Little While Being Big:
There is often a misconception that being a little in a Cg/l or Dom/little relationship has to come to an end after a certain point in life. I am often asked, “how are you able to juggle having a child while also being a little? Don’t you get jealous of your child calling your Daddy…. Daddy??”. The truth is that you can be a little forever. When you have a child, and you’re an adult little, you don’t get jealous of your child because the love you hold for them supersedes anything in the lifestyle. You are a parent first and foremost, period. However, that said, there are many times where I am able to “feel” little and feel the connection to my little side without completely regressing. I can look happy, playful, smiley, and giddy without actually regressing into the mental headspace of my little side. This is an important tool for any little to develop as there will be many times when you want to regress, but you aren’t able to. If you ever find yourself in the position where you want to slip into little space, but you aren’t able to try shifting yourself into doing one of the following:
- Tap into a childhood activity that you love. Go for a walk at the park or take a few minutes on a swing at the playground. (No one will care or notice). Feed some bread or corn to ducks at the park.
- Get creative and messy! Break out some art supplies and get crafty with a new project. Allow your creativity to get wild. Play with play dough (or make salt dough!) as you sculpt something new.
- Get musical and turn on a song that makes you feel happy and little inside. I have a little space playlist that is full of songs that my daughter also knows. When she hears the music she will begin singing without even realizing that I am feeling little inside. To her we are just rocking out to music together. 😉
- Wear clothing that is adult-friendly, but playful at the same time. Okay, so you might not be able to walk around in a onesie all the time. But you can pull on a brightly colored outfit, or a shirt with a cute pattern, to reflect your little side in a discreet way.
- Lastly, create a space in your home environment that makes you feel open to play. Having an indoor nursery is fantastic, but if you don’t have the space to have a full nursery— don’t fret! Think about how you like to play in your little space. Do you enjoy video games? Are you a book nerd like me? Let your home reflect a space that makes you feel cozy and able to play (meaning your own type of play), whether you are regressed or not.
For example: I absolutely LOVE this indoor swing! Look closely. Imagine this swing like an adult sized baby swing!
III. That Importance of Play:
I often comment over on Reddit in the /DDLGAdvice channel. And I have seen people, from time to time, mention how jarring it can feel when they are abruptly pulled out of little space. I can attest that it does feel quite jarring when you’re deeply regressed and suddenly you have to switch to your adult mindset. As you connect more deeply with your inner little self, you will be able to control that urge to regress and figure out the best times when you can slip into little space without the worry of being pulled out of the headspace.
When speaking with other littles I have also heard many people express feelings of criticism, shame, or embarrassment for being an adult little. This is also understandable because society often condemns or criticizes things that it doesn’t understand. We get mislabeled as pedophiles, and for fueling a lifestyle that attracts predators. The truth is that the little space community is nothing like that! We are a community of legal adults who have an inner child that we wish to express at certain times. We are consciously aware that we are adults, and can control our behavior like responsible adults when need be. But we are also happy, silly, playful, littles, middles, adult babies, babyfurs, and so on. If you’re feeling any type of shame, guilt, embarrassment, etc. for wanting to be a part of this lifestyle (whether that’s as a dominant/caregiver or a little) I encourage you to make peace with those feelings. Be kind to yourself and understand that you tapping into your little self is part of feeling all of the parts that make up you! Just because you’re not biologically a child anymore doesn’t mean that you need to “slam shut” the door of childhood. In fact, research as shown that people who connect with their inner child are often more emotionally balanced and happy individuals. The reason being is that in our little mindset we see the world with renewed senses. We actively explore the space around us. Our curiosity to try new things increases and we begin to simply play!
Speaking of play, the last point I’d like to touch upon is how to get comfortable with playing everyday whether you’re in your adult mindset or in your little space. In our house we have a saying: do one thing each day to laugh. Sometimes it’s difficult to find something to laugh about. But the Captain and I strive to swap memes, watch stand up comedy, tell each other corny jokes, and do silly things to make each other laugh on a daily basis. (We even get kiddo in on the laughter all the time too!). Learning to play in various ways will help you feel more comfortable with easing in and out of little space. I often tell other lifestyle littles, “don’t force regression if you’re not feeling it”. You can have fun and feel the connection to your little side whether you’re regressed or not. Learning to nurture your inner child and feeling whole as both big and little you is more important than baby babbling, drinking from a bottle, or wearing any type of clothing. Being a little is about who you are and what you feel inside. So, it matters more that you develop a list of things that you enjoy doing that make you feel happy and yearn to play!
The science behind it (because I’m a book nerd): Did you know that there is a National Institute for Play? There is! And in this article, researchers from the N.I.P. have proven that adults need time to play just as much as children do! They describe play as “a pleasurable activity that often takes you out of time”. It’s a voluntary activity that you look forward to doing simply for the sake of pure enjoyment. When we engage in play several things occur:
- Play improves our brain functionality.
- We release endorphins of pleasure from enjoying the activity.
- Play stimulates creativity.
- It improves our memory retention and helps keep our brain sharp.
- Play often stimulates our social well-being too by connecting us to people who enjoy the same interests.
- And, play stimulates growth of the cerebral cortex (which is the part of the brain that controls higher mental functioning, motor skills, and sensory associations!).
How’s that for giving you reasons to play?! 😀 So, the next time you’re feeling awkward about regressing or taking time for little space to play, remember that play is actually healthy for you!
Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here and I will see you back here for the next topic!