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Submission 103: Feeling “Outside” of the Little Space Community and How to Find Your Sense of Belonging

Lisa Quinn

🌼Good Morning Friends!🌼

A very Happy Sunday to you. Sundays, around here at my home, are a time to slow down. We stay in our pajamas and soak in the morning sunshine. We listen to the chickens clucking out in the yard, the tractor rolling by in the field, and goats in our neighbors yard. It’s a time when I curl up quietly with my laptop and just write to you. This morning I want to dissect a common problem in our community that many Littles feel, but often don’t discuss. It’s a problem that I have been susceptible to at one point or another, and that is the feeling of not belonging to the little community.

There are many reasons why a Little might not feel a part of our community. From my personal experience I used to feel different from other Littles because of my weight. I am a chubby, short, plump Little. (I still am). I was never graced with long, lean legs that could wear thigh high stockings nor was I blessed with long, silky hair that looks fabulous in pigtails. Instead, I was born with curly, wavy, thick hair that grows up instead of down. But I digress. It took me years to finally love myself and understand that everyone has a place in this community. Every Little is valid regardless of what you look like, how you act, or what you do when you feel small inside. Today we are going to dissect this topic further in hopes that I can show you that you really do belong here! Are you ready? Then, let’s dive in!

I. What is “Inside” or “Outside” Anyway?

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Are you ready? There’s no “official way” to be an adult Little. There’s no “one size fits all”. There isn’t a “one true path” to being a little. And thank the universe that there isn’t because I don’t want everyone to be the same! Diversity is beautiful. You are beautiful, my friend. I recently watched a video by another Little and they were describing feeling “out of the norm” from other Littles because they don’t baby babble, wear onesies, or use a pacifier. I understood and could empathize with their feelings completely. And yet, their sentiments got me thinking: what is “inside” the community or “outside” of the community anyway? Who determines what is “cool” or “trendy” in our lifestyle? Answer: no one! No one is in charge of the little space community. There isn’t a King of the Littles. (Though some of us love to wear a tiara and look fabulous! 😜). I think it’s important for there to be a greater call to action and awareness in our community that all littles are accepted. Just come as you are because that is enough.

If you’re feeling like you don’t fit in with the community there are a few tips I encourage you to remember and consider. First, be open to learning and exploration of things different from your norm. You can make friends with other littles who are entirely different from you. Though we present ourselves uniquely different in little space, behind every little is a legal adult full of stories, life experiences, thoughts, and feelings worth getting to know. Chances are you have lots in common with other littles than you realize. Take a moment to venture out and make a new friend! My second tip is to do one thing everyday to put yourself into little space or anchor yourself to your inner little. Notice how I said put yourself and not have someone put you into little space. Learning how to regress on your own is an important skill for every Little to master. You’ll want to develop a deep bond and connection to your inner little that allows you to feel comfortable regressing anytime you desire to do so. (If you’re stumped for ideas, here is a list for “30 Ways to Put Yourself in Little Space”).

Next, find interesting people to meet and get to know. I have a lovely friend named, Storm (who is also a fellow blogger and lifestyle member), who I am email pen pals with. We met here on WordPress, but now after emailing back and forth for a while I consider him a dear friend. Similarly I have multiple other friends who I have met on here, and on other platforms, who are just amazing people and great friends. As an introvert, I can empathize if you feel nervous about reaching out to meet people in the lifestyle. The thought of meeting new people can feel daunting. But the important thing to remember is that the little space community is a niche within a niche. BDSM is already considered “taboo” or different from the greater society. Within the BDSM lifestyle many people don’t understand the little space community. So, it’s important that as a community of littles and Caregivers or Dominants, that we lift each other up. Get to know other littles or Doms and make friends. It’s worth it to have that support system.

Lastly, I encourage you to dispel any notion in your mind of what you think a little “should” be like… or look like… or act like. There isn’t a certain way. Within our community there are a number of different labels that littles use to describe their little space. (You can see some of those labels here). Be the type of adult little that you feel inside. However you present that to the world is valid and accepted here. Always remember: you are enough! You are a member of the little space community already! So, let me be the first to send you a BIG virtual hug and tell you, “welcome home!”.

II. Connecting With Your Little “Tribe”:

You didn’t think I would tell you to go make friends and not give you a place to start, did you? 😉 I’ve got’chu, my friend! There are a bunch of ways to meet other people in the lifestyle, but I wanted to point out a few of my favorite resources. They are as follows:

🌺Forums for Littles: 🌺

🌻Reddit Communities for Littles: 🌻

If you haven’t joined Reddit, I understand. But Reddit is a GREAT place to chat with fellow Littles and Doms alike, see cute posts, and just feel connected to the community. Here are a few communities I recommend:

I want to just lightly touch upon the psychology behind age regression because I feel that it’s important to understand this topic when meeting new people in the lifestyle. Everyone regresses into their little space for a different reason. Some people are doing inner child healing work. Others regress for mental release from stress. Some littles might regress as a way of connecting with the happiness and nostalgia from childhood. There are a million reasons why a little regresses, but it’s important to remember that every reason for regression is valid because every person’s feelings matter. Understanding that you are coming into an eclectic, diverse community will help you to compassionately embrace other littles who are different from your own style of little space. Come in with an open heart and mind and be ready to have some fun!

III. You’re Still a Little If…

I want to end this post different than I do in most posts. I wrote down this short list, (or maybe it’s a free verse poem, I don’t know), as a way to remind you that if you’re feeling outside of the community that you needn’t feel that way. I welcome you. Many other littles welcome you, too. I promise that you’re enough. 💖

You’re still a little if…. you like goth or emo stuff instead of kawaii things.

You’re still a little if…. you are older and well past 20 years old.

You’re still a little if…. you don’t like or make baby babble sounds.

You’re still a little if…. you don’t have a specific little age that you regress to.

You’re still a little if…. you don’t want a Caregiver or Dominant.

You’re still a little if…. you don’t want sex, age play, or intimacy in your little space.

You’re still a little if…. you don’t want to wear diapers or onesies.

You’re still a little if…. you don’t use a pacifier or drink from a baby bottle.

You’re still a little if…. you don’t want to attend a lifestyle munch or convention.

You’re still a little if…. you are gender fluid, non-binary, and prefer gender neutral things instead of being a baby boy or baby girl.

Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here, and I will see you back here for the next topic!

Much love,

~Penny x

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