Submission 103 Series

Submission 103: Combining Various Forms of Submission to Make Your Own Style

Good Morning Friends!

How is everyone doing today? Around here I am waking up to a cup of Yorkshire tea and feeling relaxed after a wonderful day of celebrating kindness yesterday. If you missed it, yesterday was Mister Rogers’ 1-4-3 (or “I love you”) day of kindness. In honor of him I posted up lots of videos and activities for you to enjoy. So, as always, go back and give it a read if you missed the event. Kindness should be 365 days a year so there is never a day when it is too late to join in this celebration!

Today I want to discuss how you can take aspects of other forms of submission and weave it into your identity as a submissive and as a little, to create your own unique style. If I were to use a metaphor for the BDSM Community I think it can best be described like a grocery store. You have pet play in aisle two. Consensual slavery in aisle nine. Littles and Middles in aisle four. Adult babies and diaper lovers in aisle three, and so on. You can browse whatever aisle you’d like and learn as much as you desire. You have the total freedom to pick and choose what you’d like to weave into your life. I acknowledge and respect those who feel that certain paths should remain traditional and pure without any modification, however personally I don’t subscribe to that belief. Sexual expression and how we live our kinky lives is going to be different for everyone. Therefore in today’s post I want to present as many options to you as possible in the hopes of stimulating your desire to learn more about something that piques your interest. Are you ready? Then, let’s dive in!

I. Learning More About the BDSM Lifestyle:

As you’re diving into the lifestyle and continuing to educate yourself on topics I encourage you to seek out quality resources. Sadly, there is plenty of misinformation out there online and in print that will misguide you into the wrong information. So, do some investigative digging about the source of your information. For your convenience I have created a “Our Favorite BDSM Resources” page here on the site for you to browse and see what some of my (and my Daddy’s) favorite authors, writers, and content creators are. If you have any books to recommend, please comment and let me know! I’m always on the hunt for new lifestyle literature to read and learn from. 🙂

My next tip is to make lifestyle friends. This will be an invaluable resource and just overall support system for you to have as you walk through life. Vanilla friends are awesome, but it’s great to also have lifestyle friends too as they will be able to understand your Little side in a way that vanilla friends might not be able to understand. Ask your lifestyle friends questions. Reach out and join a Reddit community where you can ask questions, meet people, and feel connected to the little space community (even if virtually). It’s important that you don’t feel alone as a Little. Attend a munch, dungeon night, workshop, or age play convention. I know it can feel daunting (for some) to meet other littles in person, but sitting in a room with like-minded people is such a rewarding feeling. It will help you to feel more grounded and connected to the overall lifestyle. You become part of something bigger than your own little space, if that makes sense. Lastly, read, read, read!! There are a ton of BDSM books out on the market for purchase. Find a subject that interests you and dive in! You don’t have to know everything there is to know about BDSM. (Honestly, I don’t think any one person can). Just pick something that interests you and go from there.

II. Discovering New Kinks, Fetishes, and Dynamics:

As you’re perusing various subject matter within the world of BDSM you’re going to read all kinds of interesting information. You’ll quickly discover that just as there is an international kinky community of BDSM practitioners, there are people (just as vocal) who write about the harmful effects that BDSM has to the human psyche. Personally I have always loved studying clinical psychology and neuroscience (especially in college), and so I’d like to point out that there have been many strides in the scientific community to indicate that BDSM does not correlate to a person being mentally ill. In fact, for many people BDSM (and little space!) can have beneficial impacts on a practitioners life. But, I will get more into that on another day. For now, let’s focus on all of the new kinks, fetishes, and dynamics you’re going to discover.

Learning about different forms of submission, new kinks to try, and fetishes that resonate at your core is exciting and thrilling. It’s important to understand the difference between a kink and a fetish.

Kink is anything that veers away from the “normal” or expected sexual path. It’s used to describe “things that are of particular sexual curiosity and interest to someone, particularly those things, behaviors, or practices that are outside of normative sexual behavior,”… The term comes from the Dutch word “kink” referring to a twist or bend in a rope, he adds.”

Kyle Zrenchik, Ph.D., LMFT, ACS, a couples’ and sex therapist and clinical director at ALL IN Therapy Clinic in Minneapolis

“A fetish is typically concentrated on an object or a body part, i.e., latex, leather, or feet, whereas a kink could be an action, sex act, behavior, or even dynamic between partners. Fetishes are often all-encompassing and the focal point of a person’s erotic life. A person with a foot fetish, for instance, would not just derive extra pleasure from touching, licking, or seeing feet during sex; instead, they may only want to interact sexually with feet to the exclusion of other things. “They may not engage in any penetrative act at all but will still draw sexual gratification from the act [of interacting with feet],”.

Kyle Zrenchik, Ph.D., LMFT, ACS, a couples’ and sex therapist and clinical director at ALL IN Therapy Clinic in Minneapolis

Alright, now that we have established the difference between a kink and a fetish let’s talk about different dynamics. I have written previously on the 11 different subpaths of submission, so if you’re curious to learn more about that you can head on over to that post. Today let’s look at some of the major types of power exchange dynamics:

  • Top/bottom: referring to a scene in which the Top is the person in control of the scene and the Bottom is the person submitting in the scene. Anyone can be a Top or bottom in a scene regardless of their identity in personal lifestyle relationships.
  • Master/slave: the relationship dynamic in which the Dominant is the Master and submissive enters into consensual slavery. The Master makes all decisions (as mutually agreed upon) for the slave in their relationship.
  • Owner/property: referring to the relationship dynamic where the Dominant is seen as Owner over their submissive. The submissive is viewed as their property and so the Dominant has 100% control over the submissive.
  • Owner/pet: this relationship can also be referred to as Handler/pony in the pony play subsect of pet play. The Owner takes responsibility and care for their human pet. The submissive enters the mental space and behavior of their preferred pet.
  • Dom/sub: referring to the generic term for a Dominant and submissive in a power exchange relationship. This is the most widely used term in the lifestyle.
  • Dom/little: referring to a Daddy or Mommy and also being in a position of power exchanged between both parties with the Daddy or Mommy being the Dominant and the little being the submissive. Couples may also identify as Cg/l as well.
  • Caregiver/little: referring to the universal term in the little space community for a Caregiver/little relationship. Caregiver/little relationships may or may not have power exchanged involved. Caregivers may or may not be Dominants.
  • Switches: referring to a fluid shift of power between both partners. The power exchanged of domination and submission moves between the partners as they see fit with both dominating and submitting to one another at various times.

I have met many people that have described feelings of shame, embarrassment, and even repulsion as they have come to realize that they are attracted, aroused by, or drawn to a particular kink or fetish. If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this post it’s that you never need to feel ashamed of whatever you’re aroused by. Your sexual attractions are your own. Everyone has their own attractions and interests. You don’t need to conform to what society “thinks” you should be attracted to. Instead, embrace your own sexual expression and identity. Embrace the things that make you… YOU! Enjoy the things that pique your interest and arousal. (Just remember to always keep your behavior and actions: safe, legal, sane, and consensual and you’re “good to go”). 😉

There are many ways in which you can begin to explore various kinks, fetishes, and taboo fantasies to learn what you’re attracted to. You can fill out a kinks and fetishes checklist. (I have one designed for littles right here on the site!). Alternatively you can take an online BDSM Test to discern what percentages of your personality resonate with various paths in the lifestyle. Lastly, there are many lists of kinks out there for you to explore and learn about! Go ahead and take a look, read up and research what interests you, and see what resonates with you on a deeper level.

III. Weaving Little Space With Other Forms of Submission:

I want to wrap up this post by reminding you that you can be a Little and be a submissive… or a slave… or a pet…. or a concubine! You can be any form of submission that you wish to be AND be a Little, Middle, Adult Baby, etc. The key is to allow yourself the opportunity to experience all sides of your submission. Make time to shift out of little space to experience another form of submission. If another style resonates with your little space, stay regressed and enjoy both at the same time! (This is why people introduce themselves as littles-submissives-brats, etc. with whatever hyphenated variation of labels that resonates with them). Find what works for you! Think of this experience as like a bougie froyo shop. You are the frozen yogurt and now you can sprinkle whatever combination of toppings (i.e. lifestyle labels) that you wish! Adorn yourself and wear it with pride, my friends.

Alright, everyone, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here, and I will see you back here for the next topic!

Much love,

~Penny x