In Honor of Daddy

Day 7: Finding Little Space When Everything is Broken…

Daddy will always be my Daddy. Of that, I’m sure. I’m also sure that I will never marry again. Once you’ve married your best friend, soulmate, lover, Daddy, etc. nothing else could ever compare. I’m comfortable with this decision too.

I miss our Little Space terribly. Daddy could always shrink me at a moment’s notice. I loved every minute of it.

Last night my heart was aching to be with him and everything felt so overwhelming. I picked up my cell phone and tapped open the Happy Color App. “C’mon Dada” I said aloud, “let’s color together”. I envisioned him pulling me close to his chest. My head would lay on his stomach in “my parking spot” as we affectionately call it, and there I would color. As I laid in bed coloring I was regressed. I spoke to Daddy. “Na Na… I hope you like my picture!” I cooed aloud. I could feel him with me every moment enjoying little space together.

Daddy x kitten…. together forever. Not even physical death can separate us.

Since Daddy’s physical passing I have had so many moments of intense contemplation. I have realized just how fleeting life is. This earthly life, and the time we are given, is just a “drop in the bucket” of time when compared to eternity in the next life. A part of me has panicked many times wondering how long God is going to keep me here on earth before I can go join Daddy in heaven. Though I want to savor our daughter’s life, help her thrive, uplift, love, and support her…. in my spirit, I ache to be with Daddy. I don’t want to live another 40 or 50 years without him. I just don’t. But to calm my soul I just tell myself that no matter how long or short my time is here on earth, it is nothing compared to the blissful eternity that I will get when Daddy and I are reunited in the next life.

When Daddy was here with me on earth he would always say: “I believe that we will be together in the next life… and the next life… and the next life. Why? Because you are my soulmate. I feel it in every cell of my being”. I would shiver not wanting to think about one of us passing and say, “But, how will you find me if (God forbid) you pass first?”. And he would reply, “Because it’s you, kitten, not even death can separate true love. We are always meant to be together”.

Since Daddy’s passing I admit that there have been moments where I have literally screamed at the ceiling, crying, and begging aloud for reassurance that Daddy is waiting for me. I have heard Daddy speak to my soul, saying the same word over and over again. I cling to it like the very air in my lungs: ALWAYS. Always I will wait for you.

I’m coming for you, Dada. Not a moment goes by that I don’t think about you, miss you, yearn for you, and wish to touch you once more. Forever us. <3