I was reading a book by Mitch Albom the other night when a passage jumped out at me. Have you ever been reading something and it’s as if the words were written just for you? As I read this passage I paused. I re-read the section. It made so much sense for the healing journey that I’m on. The passage reads:
“When someone passes, Benjamin, people always ask, ‘Why did God take them?’ A better question would be ‘Why did God give them to us?’ What did we do to deserve their love, their joy, the sweet moments we shared? Didn’t you have such sweet moments with Annabelle?”
“Every day” I rasped.
“Those moments are a gift. But their end is not a punishment. I am never cruel, Benjamin. I know you before you are born. I know you after you die. My plans for you are not defined by this world. Beginnings and endings are earthly ideas. I go on. And because I go on, you go on with me. Feeling loss is a part of why you are on Earth. Through it, you appreciate the brief gift of human existence, and you learn to cherish the world I have created for you. But the human form is not permanent. It was never meant to be. That gift belongs to the soul.”
“I know the tears you shed, Benjamin. When people leave this Earth, their loved ones always weep”. She smiled. “But I promise you, those who leave do not”.The Stranger in the Lifeboat By: Mitch Albom
When I read that passage my heart thumped in my chest. It makes perfect sense to me. God created this amazing, vast, diverse planet for all of us to enjoy, live, and experience. Our life here is a tiny drop in the spectrum of eternity. Daddy and I savored every moment together over the past 10 years. I know from the many deep conversations we shared that he savored the 27 years he had before me, many of which were in the Philippines. And while my heart aches, and my soul cries out for him every moment of every day… I also know that he is at peace. I know that he understands things now that I do not. He has seen God! How amazing is that?! <3
I want to be selfish, especially being a submissive, and cry out, “I want my Daddy and I want him NOW!!!”. I know that while he was here on Earth I said those very words to him… countless times. I would whine to him while he was away at work and tell him how much I missed him and wanted him home so we could cuddle together.
But, I can’t use those words anymore. It doesn’t feel right to my soul. Yes, every second of the day I miss my husband like a flower needs the Sun. But at the same time I am also eternally grateful that he rests with the Lord because I know that Daddy is okay. I cannot wish that he were here on Earth more than being with God… more than being in Heaven because nothing is better than that.
In this journey of healing and deep introspection I realize just how fragile life is. I’ve always known that, but seeing Daddy pass has brought things to a new level. We are all on borrowed time. The best thing we can do is to put faith in whatever path feels right for you, and to savor the time that we are given. Soak up life. Whatever that picture looks like for you… do it. Kiss your loved ones. Make amends and don’t procrastinate. Do that one things that you’ve always wanted to. Experience this amazing planet in which we all share! Do it now because there is no guarantee of tomorrow.
As for me, now my life is very simple. I wish for a simple existence in this world. I want a humble home to raise my daughter in, and to one day pass it onto her so that she may always have roots and wings. I want a job that pays enough to cover my bills, but is not so busy as to tear me away from home too much. I want to go to church and the grocery store, but I have no desire to travel. I want to spend the rest of my days helping my daughter thrive, talking to Daddy each day, and giving thanks to God for allowing me to do so and for all that I have. And that’s about it. A simple, quiet, humble life.
I’m just a Kitten biding her time, waiting to be reunited with her Daddy. Forever us, Nani. <3