I woke up this morning with the feeling of brain fog. Since Daddy passed away 35 days ago my brain hasn’t been quite normal. I get overwhelmed easily and so I try to pace myself. But I also find myself a bit more forgetful than normal. Apparently this is common among people who are newly widowed. (I hate that word for the record). I rolled out of bed and was greeted to my mother, wide awake with laptop in hand, ready to help me “create a plan for my life”. I groaned internally. I eyed the coffee pot debating if I needed caffeine for this morning talk-session.
You see, I had told my mom that by January I was going to come up with a plan for my life. My mom was fine with this goal. Then, she decided to micro-manage and push me to come up with a plan… right now. Today. Figure it out. Go! Now!
I closed my eyes momentarily. “Daddy, I need you” I thought silently, tuning out her rambling. “Please help me get through this” I prayed. I looked at my mom. “I’m going back to college” I announced suddenly. She stopped in her tracks. She knew that I had only a few classes until I graduated with my bachelors. I had been very close before when my student loans were maxed out. But now my loans are paid off and so I had the green light again. “You are??” she asked me more seriously and I nodded.
Truthfully I hadn’t thought through my plan fully. Yes, I wanted to get my bachelors. And yes, having my degree in social sciences to work with a non-profit was perfect for establishing a career. But I was hoping to get time to grieve and have a quiet holiday season first. But, with my mom eagle-eyeing me, I walked out of the room, sent in my college application, set up my phone appointment with a college counselor in the afternoon…. and prayed. A lot.
God, please be with me…
Lo, and behold, the counselor sent me an email after our phone conversation. After crunching all of the credits I had, all I needed to complete was ONE class. One! One class in the Spring and I was set to graduate from college! Everyone did a double-take. (Myself included). My mom jumped for joy. My daughter beamed with happiness. I…. well…. I am happy, but cheering is difficult these days with the depression and fatigue. But, I am truly happy and I know having my degree will open so many more doors for the future.
Thank you, God and thank you, Daddy for being with me.
So, I’m off to college (online) with a major state university here come January. I will bust my little kitten tail off to do well and finish strong. Graduation is at the end of April. Then…. it’s time to find a career. (I never thought I’d be saying that line. I never thought I’d be in this position though either). Thank God for little blessings. Onwards and upwards.
Until next time x